Oncology Appointment Jitters

Tomorrow I meet with the oncologist. Just typing that gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

In case you're new to my blog - I had cancer when I was 17. My OB, Dr. A., thinks cancer is what caused my high FSH. She wants me to meet with an oncologist to discuss any possible risks or side effects that could be caused by my previous treatment, to do a health check and make sure things are good, and to advise us on things to watch for during this pregnancy.

I had been nine years since I went to my first oncology appointment and close to eight since I went to my last. I recognize how incredibly lucky I was in that my treatment was short, effective and (relatively) painless. But sitting in that office waiting room (which I have already done once in order to drop off paperwork) and watching a woman without a foot being wheeled in was bad. And watching a woman on an oxygen tank coming out to her car, sobbing and being consoled by her husband, was almost more than I can bear. Those are the realy faces of cancer. I in my good health feel like an impostor and an intruder. My heart aches for them. And I shudder to be back among their ranks, however briefly.

My first day back at work after the three day weekend did NOT start out well. We got in late last night so I was pretty exhausted. Then, as I was driving to work, my accelerator stopped working. Just like that. No acceleration. Then I noticed my power steering was gone. Thank God the brakes still worked. I coasted to a parking lot where I waited in the heat for FIFTY minutes for Mr. M. to come get me. He pulled up, looked under the hood, started the car and...it worked perfectly. No problems. SERIOUSLY??!! So I drove on to work and will be running the car to the shop this evening just so they can check it out for me. The GREAT thing about being stranded was I found a very sweet lost dog and after some detective work and many phone calls (PLEASE put tags on your dogs, people) was able to reunite her with her tearfully grateful owner. So there's a positive thing that happened from a very negative situation.

In happier news, tomorrow I will be 13 weeks and let me just say HELL YEAH! Just one...more...week and I will be out of this seemingly never-ending first trimester. I have an OB appt. on the 14th, and hearing the heartbeat on the Doppler will be the best birthday present of all (I turn 27 on July 16). If all goes well, I will be "coming out" to everyone on my birthday. I will make the phone calls to my loved ones and friends first, and then probably post something on F.aceb.ook.

I've been one of the amazingly lucky ones who don't get morning sickness, but this past week I have noticed that my appetite is majorly decreased. If I don't eat often enough I will start to feel sick and food makes me feel better, but I'm just not getting hungry anymore. I can't eat as much as I used to and (horror of horror) even ice cream has been making my tummy upset! I have been trying really hard to be moderate in my eating so am curious to see what the scale will say at my OB appointment next Wednesday.

I have also been getting more heartburn/reflux type stuff going on. And pain in my tailbone when I sit, even on something really soft, for a long period of time (see: my job: every day). Cramps still come and go but are in general better.

I had a GREAT 4th of July weekend. My whole family was at Grandma's yesterday (it is rare that every single person shows up) and we had so much fun playing cards, eating LOTS of food and shooting fireworks off in the driveway.

We also spent time with Mr. M.'s family, which I will call "A Tale of Two 4 Year-Olds." Saturday we were at Mr. M.'s grandpa's with his mom, her sister and her family. Her sister has a 4 year-old boy, Z, who is THE cutest! He is polite, minds his parents, is full of energy and fun and is just a joy to be around. Sunday we were with Mr. M.'s dad's family and there was another 4 year-old, K. He was a total terror. Screaming, yelling, jumping on things, banging on things and some genius had decided it was a good idea to buy him a DRUM. Sheesh! I just found myself hoping that our little one, boy or girl, turns out like Z and not like K!

Whew that was a long post! I will write again after my oncologist appointment. TTFN!