Sunday, April 22, 2012

I lost my words today.

My Grandmother, the woman who raised me, my "person," has breast cancer.

I sat there on the sofa while she told me and everyone murmured reassuring platitudes and trite quotes and all I wanted to do was run screaming from the room. But I couldn't move. Or speak. Or feel. I lost my words.

I wanted to leave. To run home to my baby and bury my face in the soft folds of his neck and weep. To not have to make comforting noises and be falsely positive because I KNOW what this shit is like. I have been on both sides of cancer - sick person and supporter of sick person. And in my humble opinion, being the sick person is a helluva lot easier.

I'm still numb. I've barely shed any tears today. I can feel them hovering, waiting to burst out at any moment. But I can't let them out.

Those are all the words I have managed to find. More later.

Fuck cancer.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

I quit my job!

Hi ya'll. I know. It has been a while. Things have been super busy, etc...yada yada yada.

But you know what? I'm about to have a LOT more time for blogging, starting next week.

Because I quit my job. Like, for reals. No part-time work, no NOTHIN'. My last day of work will be next Thursday the 26th and I am SO excited about it. I am tired of merely scraping by and just trying to survive each day before snatching a few winks of sleep before doing it all over again.

I'm glad I gave it a full two months before leaving. The first month I was still torn and sad about leaving my fun job and my awesome co-workers. However, after two months the ache in my heart for my little E has only worsened and I can't wait to spend my days with him. We'll go for walks and jogs, visit the Zoo, spend every other Friday with Mr. M. and have so many adventures together. I am very ready to start this new journey!

In other news, I had my first big Mommy FAIL this past week. I had just pulled into the parking lot at work when daycare (a 45-minute drive away) called me and told me I had forgotten to put the bottle nipples in E's daycare bag. Well, sh!t. I finally called my uncle, who picked up a house key from my friend L and then went to the house, picked up the nipples (neatly packed and sitting on the counter) and dropped them off at daycare. He was my favorite person that day. :) I rewarded him with some delicious gourmet cupcakes as a treat.

Yesterday morning I woke up with a tummy ache. As the morning progressed it got worse and worse and I wound up leaving work at about 10 a.m. I spent the afternoon writhing with stomach cramps on the couch before finally throwing up everything in my stomach. After that the cramps subsided but the nausea remained. Since I also had a slight fever, Mr. M. had to pick E up from daycare, take care of him all evening, put him to bed AND take care of me. He was amazing. I returned to work today despite some lingering nausea, since I have NO time off remaining and am entering my last week of work. I even managed a sandwich for lunch - we'll see how it sits.

On a side note, yesterday was the first time I have been alone in my house since before E arrived. It was a totally surreal experience. I would make a loud noise and think, "Oh no, the baby!" and then realize that he wasn't there. I usually enjoy alone time, but since I was so sick I didn't really make the most of it.

I have lots to blog about - including a recent award from a favorite blogger of mine, Ethan's four-month birthday, and even an upcoming giveaway! Hopefully I can knock some of these out this weekend if I can snatch a few moments.

Back to sipping my Sprite...

Friday, April 6, 2012

Easter Portraits

I am pretty darn lucky to have a best friend who is a photographer, don't you agree? Here are some of my favorites from Ethan's Easter photo session a few weeks ago. I put three of them on a photo card and sent it to friends and family, and am getting lots of "squee" responses.

I am also apparently suffering from baking withdrawl. I love to bake and haven't done any since E came home. I couldn't decide between five different sweets to take to our family Easter dinner, so I may possibly be making all of them. Links to the recipes below, with photos of the ones I have completed. The macaroons are DIVINE, if I do say so myself. :)

But first! E photos!

This is his "hey ladies" look. So cute!

He takes himself very seriously sometimes.

Laying flat and giggling.

He stayed happy in that basket for approximately 2.5 seconds.

And now recipes!

Coconut macaroon "nests" filled with Nutella and chocolate candies. I've never made macaroons before but they we super easy and SO good! Here is the recipe.

Another "nest" made of chow mein noodles, marshmallows and butter. They taste kind of like a C.rispy treat. I followed the directions exactly but feel like it needed more marshmallow. Find the recipe here.

Nutella no-bake cookies. Mr. M.'s family LOVES no-bakes but I have never made them. This recipe substitutes half of the peanut butter for Nutella. Recipe here.

And here's what is still on my plate for tonight/tomorrow:
A strawberry cake made with fresh berries and homemade vanilla buttercream (recipe from the C.ake M.ix D.octor cookbook).

Cupcakes Baked in Egg Shells! I can't wait to try this! It looks time-consuming but I can't wait to see the look on my familys' faces when they crack open their eggs and find a cupcake inside!

And if I have time, I may use my leftover chow mein noodles and try these chocolate nests.

Happy Easter, all! I can't wait for Ethan's first!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The Adventures of E

My lack of posting has been totally LAME, I know. So here are some quick updates and photos of E's recent adventures!

-Still no news on whether I'm keeping my job part-time or leaving permanently at the end of April. Oh well. I'm at peace either way.

-Took E for his first "sick" trip to the doctor on Monday. He developed a nasty rattling cough so I just wanted to get him checked out. His doctor said, "At this age, we don't say a baby has allergies," and then E sneezed and she said, "But he looks like he might have allergies." Unfortunately there's nothing they can do medicine-wise until he is at least six months old, so for now we continue with the humidifier, saline drops and the DREADED nasal aspirator.

-We spent our first night away from E this weekend and it was a lot easier that I thought it would be! We camped with friends for one night and he stayed with his great-grandma and was a very good boy! I was so happy to see him when we picked him up.

-E has decided to stop sleeping through the night, which from my reading I understand is pretty normal at about 4 months. He goes down at about 8 and usually wakes me up at about 2 for a feeding. He goes back down pretty easy afterwards so it's not that bad. This week I actually feel like I have more energy than I have in a while.

-We set the date for E's baptism and it is on Mother's Day. I couldn't think of a more perfect time to celebrate our miracle blessing and the greatest gift I have ever been given.

On a side note, outfits for boys' baptisms are RIDICULOUS. When I searched yesterday I kept seeing little white TUXEDOS! With vests and ties and stupid-looking hats. Who the heck baptizes their kid in a tuxedo?? Case in point. ANYway, I think I have finally decided on this one, which is classy looking, not ridiculous and will still make a nice heirloom.

-I am super excited for E's first Easter this weekend! I love attending my home church and spending the day with my family. He has a very handsome outfit (and yes, of course I will post photos). Also, my good friend L who is a semi-professional photographer took THE most adorable photos of him in bunny ears! I'll share those a little closer to Easter.

That's all for updates! Now for fun with photos!

My three month photo shoot. My four month shoot is coming up next week! I'm growing so fast!

Smiling and waving to my adoring fans while chilling in my great-grandma's bassinet.

I went to my first car show - the first of many I'm sure! I make this Mini look good!

I don't like tummy time as much as I used to but it is so good for my strong neck muscles!

Just plain adorable. That's me!