CD 15 - Yes, BUT

This waiting thing sucks big time, you know? Patience has never ever been my strong suit but this is testing every last ounce of it that I've got.

The thing about it, as I'm sure many of you know, is that it takes over your life almost completely. It's always hovering in the back of your head to be thought about whenever you have a spare moment. It creeps up on you unexpectedly. It weighs down your shoulders until your neck is stiff. You might find yourself watching a commercial for pregnancy tests, placing your hands over your uterus and whispering, "Please, please, please" to Whoever might be listening out (or up) there.

The first time we were TTC amid all the drama of the high FSH diagnosis, I had a full-time job that required an hour commute each way. It was an awesome, fun job full of amazing people and I loved it. The thing is, I was busy. Yes, I browsed blogs and researched every chance I got, but I had plenty of things to distract me.

Now, not so much. Oh sure, I'm busy in the stay-at-home mom kind of way: the never-ending cycle of making meals and doing dishes and washing clothes and reading books and playing ball and giving hugs and kisses and tickles. But all of those things leave my mind relatively unoccupied, and THAT is the hard part. I have some editing work right now since the magazine I work for is on deadline, so at least that can occupy me a bit.

I'm going to POAS tomorrow morning. I will be about 10 dpo and I can't stand it any longer. If I get a negative, I'm waiting until Saturday to try again.

Symptoms? Yes...BUT:

I'm cramping, BUT I've had cramping since I ovulated so it doesn't seem significant. Of course, today the cramps are gone so now I'm all worried about it in that crazy TTC logic way.

My boobs are tender, BUT I have a lot of scar tissue and some non-cancerous nodes that flare up and hurt sometimes so it could just be that.

Peeing a lot, BUT I am trying to drink a lot of water so I stay hydrated.

Really tired, BUT I've had a cold this week (and can't take any good medicine because I'm TTC) so that explains that.

I'm not, I don't think, overly optimistic about getting pregnant this cycle. If I get a BFN, I think I will be upset, eat carbs and drink wine for a couple of days, and then start all over again. I am honestly doing every single thing I can to give my body an edge right now (more on that later) so at least I'll know I did my best (you should have seen me at the store trying to pick out an herbal tea for my cold while the Interweb was screaming that EVERYTHING causes miscarriage [okay perhaps a bit of an exaggeration but you get what I mean]).

Still, and you know what I mean, there's still that tiny voice inside my head that whispers, It could happen.

I'm letting it whisper and trying to smile about it. Because hope, my friends, is never a bad thing.

My first two week wait...

Can I just say that this whole 2ww (two week wait) thing SUCKS. In fact, one might go so far as to say it sucks big hairy balls. Those two or three moments of random nausea? Probably just my imagination. Sharp cramping in my abdomen? Just gas, I'm sure. A couple of twinges in the boob area? Probably just AF making her way in. Tiredness? Surely just the result of a busy week.

As this is my first cycle off of birth control, I'm not really sure when to expect Aunt Flo. Were I still on my pills, the start date would be this Thursday or thereabouts. But since I ovulated later, does that mean I will start later? It's all so confusing!

I think I am cautiously optimistic about this, our very first, natural cycle of trying to conceive. Meaning that we're having fun saying, "Wouldn't it be awesome if," and the like. But mentally, I feel prepared to deal with my very first BFN. I like to look for the bright side of things, and my bright side for a BFN during this first try is that I'll be able to drink on my New Orleans trip next week! I mean, whatever works, right?

Sorry I've been absent for a few days, but life decided to get really. Freaking. Busy. on me so I've been out of pocket. Instead of five blissful days off from work I got one day of home repair, one day of chores, one day of crazy running around, one day of (awesome) hiking and one day with my family for a belated Easter celebration. Not exactly the peaceful, relaxing break that I had imagined, but oh well!

So on Wednesday, we got to deal with THIS:

Meet the lovely hole in my bathroom floor! Oh wait, you couldn't reach the leak so now you're drilling ANOTHER hole? Awesome!

Why hello, additional gigantic hole in our hallway. So happy you could join in the fun! At least we found the leak this time, right?

And what a leak it was! *sarcasm*

THAT tiny little hole caused our WHOLE bathroom floor to heat up and forced me to take lukewarm, miserable showers and refrain from doing dishes or laundry for TWO WEEKS??!! I hate gophers. More than I hate Donald Trump. And that's saying a lot, people.

After a rough start to the day on Saturday, Mr. M. and I jumped in the car and headed to a small national park about an hour away. It was a beautiful day and it felt SO good to be out in nature with Mr. M., just hiking and talking about things. He sets a pretty brisk pace, though, so my calves are still feeling it today!



Finally, some peace and relaxation...


Sunday was belated Easter at Grandma's and MAN was it hard to stay away from the wine, Cokes and freshly brewed coffee, especially without seeming conspicuous to my family! Grandma knows, of course, but she's the only one.

And sadly, after two weeks of half-assing the whole healthy eating thing, I have put myself and my tighter pants back on the South Beach Diet. See my menu plan for the week under the "cooking and crafting" page.

Waiting to see what this week brings...Thanks for hanging in there on a long post!