Weigh In: Week Two

Weight in January 2011: 196
Weight in March 2011 after two weeks of SBD: 182
Weight before E's delivery in December 2011: 221

Weigh in on January 7, 2012: 184
Current weight: 175
Pounds lost so far: 9
Pounds lost since last weigh in: 4

Well, I survived my second week of no carbs! I actually found the second week to be a lot easier in terms of resisting temptation, but a lot harder in terms of boredom! I was SO tired of protein and veggies!

I have to say, though, the no carb thing did wonders for me. I lost nine pounds in two weeks! My skin cleared up, I had tons of energy and I, a chronic insomniac, slept like a baby. By energy, I mean I felt good and not tired throughout the day. However, exercise was NOT going to happen. We took E for a walk in the neighborhood and I was so out of breath it was ridiculous!

Yesterday I began slowly adding carbs back in. I was reeeeeediculously excited for my All Bran with fresh strawberries for breakfast and for my apple as an afternoon snack. I'm following one of Bob Harper's "Skinny Rules" and not eating any carbs (not including fruit) after lunchtime. This morning I had a piece of whole grain sugar free toast (check your bread, peeps - HFCS is one of the first few ingredients!) and it was yummy.

I also started exercising again yesterday. I went to Body Sculpt at the Y and made it through without a problem, although I am pretty sore today! Today I went to my other gym (closer to E's MDO and only $25 a month but much smaller) and hopped on a treadmill for an interval run/walk.

The treadmill had a TV screen, which I wasn't using, so it worked more as kind of a mirror. I caught a glance of my face occasionally and was impressed by how steady and determined I looked.

This is for keeps, ya'll. Anything I can do to help my chances of having another baby, I'm going to do. And I'm going to kick ass while doing it.

All right, off to clean my house while E is still at MDO! Have a great Tuesday!

Still waiting...

Still waiting for AF to show her ugly face. I've taken two pregnancy tests and both are negative, but until I'm SURE sure I'm still avoiding strenuous, high-impact exercise and the like. It will almost be a relief for AF to show up, since I know she's on her way, so I can stop treating myself like I'm so fragile!

In miraculous news, Team Baby CEO just had something AMAZING happen to her today, so go post your positive thoughts on her blog! She was one of my very first blog readers so she's pretty special to me.

I've added two new pages recently - the Cooking and Crafting page, where I will share my weekly meal plan and try to post one of my favorite recipes, and the Eating and Exercising page, where I will post my food and exercise log as I attempt to slim down. I hope you enjoy them!

Working an overnight volunteer shift tonight from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m., the reporting to work for a full nine hours at 8 a.m. The shift allows some limited time for sleep, but I still feel like tomorrow is going to be a VERY long day.

And the world gets smaller...

I was manning the reception desk at work today so the receptionist could go to lunch. Two ladies came in to meet with our special events coordinator, K. One of them was in scrubs. When she introduced herself to K, she gave her name as Sue Smith*.

"Wait, doctor Sue Smith?" I asked. She nodded.

"I'm coming to see you on June 16. It was the first available appointment," I said. We both laughed. She made a little joke about it being all her office manager's fault and then went with K for their meeting. She asked my name and said it was nice to meet me.

It was my RE, guys. The woman who will soon know more about me than most of my family members. It was strange, surreal, and SO coincidental.

I liked her immediately. She is pretty but looked naturally so, not overly made up. And she had a friendly, warm and open face.

The world is a small place, ya'll.
*!Obviously Sue Smith isn't really her name.
In other news, Aunt Flo still hasn't made her appearance and my cramps have stopped. Could it have just been part of my upset tummy this morning? Who knows?

In other other news, doesn't THIS look amazing?


It's cannelini bean and sausage stew from over at Kalyn's Kitchen. She has SO many amazing recipes for the South Beach plan. I made this stew last night and it was so good that Mr. M. and I didn't even speak to each other while we were eating - we just shoveled the stew into our mouths. I'll post the recipe over on my Crafting and Cooking page soon.

Going to POAS when I get home today to put myself out of my misery. Wish me luck!

My first two week wait...

Can I just say that this whole 2ww (two week wait) thing SUCKS. In fact, one might go so far as to say it sucks big hairy balls. Those two or three moments of random nausea? Probably just my imagination. Sharp cramping in my abdomen? Just gas, I'm sure. A couple of twinges in the boob area? Probably just AF making her way in. Tiredness? Surely just the result of a busy week.

As this is my first cycle off of birth control, I'm not really sure when to expect Aunt Flo. Were I still on my pills, the start date would be this Thursday or thereabouts. But since I ovulated later, does that mean I will start later? It's all so confusing!

I think I am cautiously optimistic about this, our very first, natural cycle of trying to conceive. Meaning that we're having fun saying, "Wouldn't it be awesome if," and the like. But mentally, I feel prepared to deal with my very first BFN. I like to look for the bright side of things, and my bright side for a BFN during this first try is that I'll be able to drink on my New Orleans trip next week! I mean, whatever works, right?

Sorry I've been absent for a few days, but life decided to get really. Freaking. Busy. on me so I've been out of pocket. Instead of five blissful days off from work I got one day of home repair, one day of chores, one day of crazy running around, one day of (awesome) hiking and one day with my family for a belated Easter celebration. Not exactly the peaceful, relaxing break that I had imagined, but oh well!

So on Wednesday, we got to deal with THIS:

Meet the lovely hole in my bathroom floor! Oh wait, you couldn't reach the leak so now you're drilling ANOTHER hole? Awesome!

Why hello, additional gigantic hole in our hallway. So happy you could join in the fun! At least we found the leak this time, right?

And what a leak it was! *sarcasm*

THAT tiny little hole caused our WHOLE bathroom floor to heat up and forced me to take lukewarm, miserable showers and refrain from doing dishes or laundry for TWO WEEKS??!! I hate gophers. More than I hate Donald Trump. And that's saying a lot, people.

After a rough start to the day on Saturday, Mr. M. and I jumped in the car and headed to a small national park about an hour away. It was a beautiful day and it felt SO good to be out in nature with Mr. M., just hiking and talking about things. He sets a pretty brisk pace, though, so my calves are still feeling it today!



Finally, some peace and relaxation...


Sunday was belated Easter at Grandma's and MAN was it hard to stay away from the wine, Cokes and freshly brewed coffee, especially without seeming conspicuous to my family! Grandma knows, of course, but she's the only one.

And sadly, after two weeks of half-assing the whole healthy eating thing, I have put myself and my tighter pants back on the South Beach Diet. See my menu plan for the week under the "cooking and crafting" page.

Waiting to see what this week brings...Thanks for hanging in there on a long post!

Why hello ICLWers!

I just barely squeaked through the deadline to sign up for April's ICLW, and I'm glad I did!

About me:
I'm a cancer survivor - I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma at the age of 17. My treatment was pretty easy compared to what some cancer patients had to endure. I married my husband, Mr. M., in November of 2006 and we decided to have kids after about five years of marriage.

At my yearly OBGYN checkup (4.5 years of marriage later) this winter, I asked about my cancer treatments causing infertility problems. I was sent for some tests and got the phone call no woman wants to get - bad news. I was diagnosed with high FSH before we had even started TTC.

It was shocking and more than a bit disheartening to know BEFORE the fact that we have a rough road ahead of us.

My OBGYN referred me to a high FSH-friendly RE in my area, who unfortunately didn't have an open appointment until June 16. So now, we wait. In the meantime I am buying fertility books like a madwoman and trying as hard as I can to increase my fertility naturally. I have given up caffeine, alcohol and the hot baths I love, as well as running and exercising vigorously. I've started the S.outh B.each diet and am trying my hardest to keep those high glycemic index carbs out of my system.

I'm still really new to this whole thing, and I very much appreciate anyone who takes the time out of their own heartbreak and stress to send a little bit of encouragement my way. I would love to join this tight-knit, supportive community of bloggers!

So thanks for stopping by!

I Quit.

Today, I quit.

Mr. M. was away at a work dinner last night, so I had the couch, the TV and the refrigerator all to myself. A dangerous combination if ever there was one.

I started off well enough. I took the puppies for a little walk, cleaned our bathroom for the plumber tomorrow (LONG story involving gophers and broken water lines) and settled on the couch with a bag of baby carrots and a jar of spinach dip. I just kept eating and eating, and before I knew it half of the bag was gone.

A little while later I decided I needed something salty and I watched in horror as a large part of a bag of Sun Chips dissappeared from under my questing fingers.

An hour later the cold pizza in the fridge was calling and even though I was full after two thin crust slices, I ate the third and last piece. By the time Mr. M. got home I was in total misery.

I know I stress eat. It's not exactly bingeing but it's not healthy for me, mentally or otherwise. Especially not with my infertility diagnosis.

So today, I quit. I quit comforting myself with food. I quit eating when I'm not hungry. I quit making little excuses to cheat. I quit reaching to food to fill the emptiness inside.

I quit failing. No more. I will do this and I will increase my fertility before we meet with our RE on June 16.

I mean it. I am Iron(wo)Man.

In other news, out of the blue I am sleeping SO well and I have no idea why. It sure as hell isn't due to lack of stress! There are so many variables in my life that have changed. Here are my theories:

1. No more birth control pills. Could the hormones have been affecting my sleep patterns somehow? I was on them for seven years and have had sleep problems off and on.
2. No more hot baths before bed. I've been either taking showers or just "warm" baths when I generally prefer my baths HOT. Maybe that was jacking up my temperature or something.
3. Low carb diet. Maybe the total lack of sugar and caffeine and the resulting lower levels of insulin in my system are making it easier for my body to turn itself off.

Who knows?

So far, I've had zero comments on this blog. Is anyone out there in the Blogosphere actually reading? I sure hope so. It doesn't feel great to be speaking to an empty room.

My First POAS

So on Friday I peed on my very first stick ever! Super exciting, I know. For some reason I had it in my head that I was supposed to do it first thing in the morning, like a pregnancy test. So I blearily stumbled to the bathroom first thing, and after a curse word-filled fight with the box and the test stick, I did it.

Wrong.

I put the damn stick in backwards. Note to self: next time, read instructions FIRST, then take test.

So I've been POAS (correctly) every day since then. Today is actually day 14 of my cycle, so now is when I start to get really nervous. There are so many variables. This is my first cycle since stopping my birth control pills, so I have no idea what the cycle length is going to be. Also, with my high FSH, I don't know if I will actually ovulate at all, which is nerve-wracking. So today's post-work POAS is going to be a little more nerve-wracking. And the longer I go without a smiley face, the more upset I will get.

I guess there's some part of me that is convinced that somehow, I will ovulate AND get pregnant on the very! First! Try! and I won't even have to mess with this whole thing.

It could happen. Right? Maybe? In Neverland?.......Bueller?

In other news, I lost about seven pounds during my first two weeks on the S.outh B.each diet and am fitting into clothes that I definitely did NOT fit into last summer! Since the very first strict two weeks I've been trying to stick to the more moderate program, but I keep slipping up in little ways during the day. It's frustrating to me because I KNOW that following this plan will help me become more fertile, especially if it takes some more weight off of me. Why can't I just recognize how important it is and just stick with it?

My A.mazon order and FORTY fertility sticks arrived, and along with it came a fertility yoga DVD. I had visions in my head about getting up before work every morning and doing yoga, but until we clean out our back bedroom and I can do the yoga without two "helpful" dogs in my face, I don't think it's going to happen.

Had my first experience with what it's like to have (extremely mild) morning sickness today. I tried some new prenatal vitamins that came with a DHA/EPA supplement. I took them with my fruit and yogurt smoothie and five minutes later was bolting for the work bathroom. I didn't vomit, but MAN did I feel rough. After a couple of short minutes it passed, though, for which I am grateful.

That's all for now. Here's hoping for a smiley face!

Infertility and the South Beach Diet

I'm going to just come right on out and say it, folks.

I'm overweight.

There it is, in all its plus-sized glory. I've always been overweight (no, not obese) and have struggled my whole life with finding a. a weight that makes me feel comfortable with myself and b. ways to learn to love myself that have nothing to so with weight.

That being said, when we had our meeting with out OBGYN a couple of weeks ago, I asked if losing some weight could help me in regards to future infertility treatments. Remember, my first appointment with the RE isn't until June 16. She said that yes, it always helps, even though I'm not a person with a lot of weight to lose.

*Editor's Note: At 5'8" and 191 pounds, I beg to differ! But I digress...*

Anyway, the OBGYN said that the best diet for infertility is the South Beach diet. She said that Phase 1 is really hard, so I should probably just start with Phase 2. I had heard of it before but didn't really know what the program entailed. So when I made my frantic and determined dash to the book store, I added a paperback of the SBD to my stack.

I dove in right away, and the program looked pretty good! In case you're not familiar with the program, it involves three phases: Phase 1 has you cut out ALL high glycemic index carbs, including any type of bread or grain, all fruit and fruit juices, and all sugar, alcohol and caffeine. Supposedly, during Phase 1 you can expect to lose 8 to 13 pounds in the first two weeks! Sweet! Phase two adds back in small amounts of whole grain carbs and fruits, as well as allowing for an occasional glass of red wine. During Phase 2 you are losing weight at a healthy rate - about 1 to 2 pounds a week. Phase 3 is the "maintenance" stage where you adopt the diet as a permanent lifestyle change to help keep the weight off.

One of my good friends decided to try it with me. I had a dressy charitable event coming up in two weeks and losing 8 to 13 pounds sounded pretty darn good to me! I hit the protein and vegetable sections of the grocery store HARD, and off I went!

Let me tell you something about Phase 1. It. Sucks. Balls.

For one thing, there is no flexibility with breakfast. You either have tofu (YUCK) or eggs. I'm not a fan of eggs. After morning of choking them down, I finally figured out that I can stomach them best scrambled with mushrooms and Canadian bacon.

Secondly, I lost all of my energy. Cutting all those carbs out caused me to crash, and while I recovered from that initial crash I still spend time each day feeling weak, dizzy and totally out of it.

Finally, you are SO restricted in your food choices that it makes eating out almost impossible. I was "that girl" scraping the breading off of her chicken at Olive Garden and "that girl" asking for veggies with no oil.

But dammit, I am a stubborn person, and I haven't made it this far only to give up! I am currently on Day 9 of the first phase, with only 5 more days to go until my dressy charity event. I plan to put on my fancy dress and heels, grab Mr. M. and immediately have a BIG glass of red wine. I will also probably eat whatever I want that night and move on to Phase 2 the next morning.

ALL of my fertility books support a healthy diet as a way to naturally increase your fertility. During the LONG wait before my RE appointment, it feels great to know that I am actually DOING something to help myself. That includes charting my BBT starting this week (to see if I am actually ovulating), using OPKs, taking prenatal vitamins and EFAs (essential fatty acids), and trying as hard as we can to conceive naturally.

It may not be a lot of fun for me right now, but I just focus on a picture in my mind:
Me, sitting on my back porch with a plate of cheese and crackers and a BIG glass of wine...

watching my children play in the grass in front of me.

That dream is worth any amount of personal sacrifice or discomfort to me.