Today, I quit.
Mr. M. was away at a work dinner last night, so I had the couch, the TV and the refrigerator all to myself. A dangerous combination if ever there was one.
I started off well enough. I took the puppies for a little walk, cleaned our bathroom for the plumber tomorrow (LONG story involving gophers and broken water lines) and settled on the couch with a bag of baby carrots and a jar of spinach dip. I just kept eating and eating, and before I knew it half of the bag was gone.
A little while later I decided I needed something salty and I watched in horror as a large part of a bag of Sun Chips dissappeared from under my questing fingers.
An hour later the cold pizza in the fridge was calling and even though I was full after two thin crust slices, I ate the third and last piece. By the time Mr. M. got home I was in total misery.
I know I stress eat. It's not exactly bingeing but it's not healthy for me, mentally or otherwise. Especially not with my infertility diagnosis.
So today, I quit. I quit comforting myself with food. I quit eating when I'm not hungry. I quit making little excuses to cheat. I quit reaching to food to fill the emptiness inside.
I quit failing. No more. I will do this and I will increase my fertility before we meet with our RE on June 16.
I mean it. I am Iron(wo)Man.
In other news, out of the blue I am sleeping SO well and I have no idea why. It sure as hell isn't due to lack of stress! There are so many variables in my life that have changed. Here are my theories:
1. No more birth control pills. Could the hormones have been affecting my sleep patterns somehow? I was on them for seven years and have had sleep problems off and on.
2. No more hot baths before bed. I've been either taking showers or just "warm" baths when I generally prefer my baths HOT. Maybe that was jacking up my temperature or something.
3. Low carb diet. Maybe the total lack of sugar and caffeine and the resulting lower levels of insulin in my system are making it easier for my body to turn itself off.
So far, I've had zero comments on this blog. Is anyone out there in the Blogosphere actually reading? I sure hope so. It doesn't feel great to be speaking to an empty room.