Wednesday, December 11, 2013

A truly wonderful day

Today my beautiful, bright, inquisitive, strong-willed, joyful, imaginative E turns two years old. It seems unbelievable that time could have passed so quickly.

We celebrated with a trip to visit his aunt at work and then took cookies to our Gymboree class, where they sang him happy birthday. Later tonight Mr. M. and I will give him a couple of presents and then take him out for his favorite meal (chicken and French fries) and ice cream.

E also made the trip to the doctor with me for my first checkup since becoming pregnant. He sat very nicely in his jogging stroller and ate his lunch and drew in my notebook while completely charming the nurses.

There was a very tense moment for me when after about five minutes of trying, the nurse still couldn't find the heartbeat. My retroverted uterus definitely does NOT help with things like that. So she wheeled in the ultrasound machine and spotted the heartbeat pretty much right away. And I got to see Baby again! Baby was lying on his/her back with one leg extended out, and we also saw the arms, some fingers and even a hint of a nose. She printed out the picture for me to take home.

I showed the picture to E, telling him it was the baby in Mommy's tummy. He looked at it quite seriously for a moment, then said, "Baby sleeping." It totally melted my heart.

The best part of the appointment (besides seeing the baby) was at the end, when the nurse, who I love dearly, gave me a big ol' long bear hug of congratulations. They all know me and genuinely care about me and it is such a comforting and reassuring feeling.

I go back to meet with the doctor in about three weeks. I will be 14 weeks along then and will get the go-ahead to schedule my anatomy scan ultrasound for about 18 weeks. EEP!

The other awesome news? NO MORE PROGESTERONE! I am SO glad not to have to mess with that nasty stuff anymore.

I'll probably be absent for a while as I try to relax and enjoy E's birthday and the Christmas season. Sending you all love and hoping for a joyful holiday season for all of you.


Monday, December 9, 2013

I don't have breast cancer!


Went for my biopsy last Tuesday, which was a pretty scary process. They numbed me up good but I didn't realize that when they take the samples, they don't just draw them out with a needle. They like shoot something down into your b.oob with a loud SNAP and it's very intense and startling. They also left a little metal marker in the area to let future testers know it had been looked at.

I wasn't expecting to hear results until Thursday, but the awesome nurse at my OBGYN's office called me on Wednesday afternoon because she had been watching for them. The biopsy was negative for cancer and the mass is basically just denser, more fibrous tissue that they think might have been caused by the radiation I had received for my lymphoma treatment.

I'm sorry I've been so lax about posting, but with cancer scares and Christmas and planning E's second birthday party (that's right, my son will be TWO on Wednesday), things have been more than a little crazy. I'm also on deadline for the magazine that I copy edit, so once that is finished I would really like to just relax and try to enjoy the holidays.

I was supposed to go in for my first "official" doctor's visit last Friday, but it got canceled due to a snow storm in our area. Now I'm going in on Wednesday, and am very excited to hear the heartbeat on the Doppler! I am also hoping they will give me a date for my anatomy scan.

I am 11 weeks today and baby is the size of a lime. I got on the scale this morning and hadn't gained nearly as much weight as I thought, which was a huge relief. My pants have been getting pretty snug but I guess that's just partly baby bump and partly bloating from the progesterone. I'm not sure exactly what I weighed when I got pregnant, but at my best estimate I'm up 4-5 pounds, which is probably mostly just holiday weight gain anyway. My mother-in-law did tell me last night that I have a baby bump (not in a mean way), which made me kind of happy.

Well, that's all for now. Back to my editing (and listening to the dulcet tones of my son NOT napping) I go.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Have to have a biopsy

Well, I went for my b.reast ultrasound on Thursday and got some not-so-great but hopefully not too terrible news. They found a small mass (9 mm) in the b.reast that had been having the brownish discharge, and they want to biopsy it the week after Thanksgiving. The good news is that it is smooth and small and the radiologist was pretty sure that it was benign.

Still, not a great thing to have to worry about while I'm pregnant and trying to stay low stress.

So that's what's going on with me. Wish me luck.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Symptoms and such

The pregnancy app on my phone informs me today that at eight weeks, baby is the size of a raspberry and my uterus is the size of a grapefruit. I can definitely feel my uterus is bigger, especially when I'm rocking E and he is leaning back against me. If feels weird. I also have quite a belly going, although it just looks chubsy and not pregnant - the progesterone adds a lovely bit of bloating to that.

Here are the symptoms I have had so far:
-Cramping: this was worse earlier in the pregnancy and still kind of comes and goes. Sometimes it gets really intense (like menstrual cramps) and worries me, but I have to remember that with E I cramped until about 20 weeks.
-Sore back: this is much worse than with E's pregnancy, probably because I wasn't hauling around a 30-pound toddler at that time. It just gets tight and sore super easily, especially my lower back.
-Fatigue: this comes and goes. Sometimes I'll be feeling fine and then suddenly feel as if I have been run over. There's a pile of clean laundry on the bed (something I NEVER allow) because after folding two shirts I simply couldn't move anymore and had to go lie down.
Nausea: I don't have anything even approaching morning sickness, but when my stomach gets too empty I will get nauseous until I eat something. I seem to need to eat pretty steadily throughout the day to keep from feeling sick.
-Numbness and tingling in my arms: This started in last week, and while the Internet assures me it is perfectly normal, I'll call my doctor tomorrow to make sure it's okay. It's kind of just that "pins and needles" feeling and it seems to happen when I lie down to rest or stay in one position for a long time.

And now the kind of scary one: breast discharge.

Last week, I noticed some brownish spots on my bras, just a couple of little spots every day. I told my doctor and she was a bit concerned; while breast discharge in early pregnancy is not uncommon, it is usually whitish in color. Since this same breast has cysts in it that have caused me to have a mammogram and an MRI within the past year (both were clear), they are sending me for a breast ultrasound on Thursday. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about it, but at least after Thursday I will hopefully have some answers.

So that's what's going on with me. I go in for my first doctor's appointment on December 6, which seems a long way off but in reality really isn't that far away. Time seems to passing incredibly slowly right now, but I am working on being as "Zen" as I can during the pregnancy. I'm doing everything I can, so I'm trying to just relax and accept things as they are.

Did anyone else have the tingling during early pregnancy? If so, drop me a line and let me know. It makes me a wee bit nervous.

Have a happy Monday, ya'll.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

We have a heartbeat!

Finally, gratefully made it to our ultrasound today. My bladder was about to burst as the tech put the wand on my stomach. She said there was something there, but it was too tiny to see. I emptied my bladder and out came the wand. I didn't move, or breathe, or allow myself to open my eyes.

"And there's baby," she said.

"Is there a heartbeat?" I asked.

"Yes, there it is."

And I finally opened my eyes. I saw that little flicker of life, and I allowed myself to breathe again.

The heartbeat was 115, which I understand is on the low side but still within normal range. I measured 7 weeks 3 days, with a due date of June 30.

It was a frustrating day with lots of challenges, and I have some other health issues I'm dealing with, but I'll fill in about those later.

For now, I am allowing myself to relax a bit and feel joy. E, Mr M and I are going to go grab some Mexican food tonight to celebrate.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I feel like I'm pretending

Our ultrasound to check for a heartbeat is tomorrow at 1 pm. That means that by this time tomorrow, I will know what is going on.

The two weeks since my last ultrasound have gone by with absolutely agonizing slowness. Every day seems to drag and every spare moment is filled with thoughts and worry.

Mr. M. and I spent five days in New Orleans for our anniversary, which was fun...ish. It was super weird and awkward being there and not able to drink or go to bars and have to schedule things around me having to lie down for my progesterone suppositories. At least we ate a lot of good food.

Since we were originally supposed to fly, we had to tell our families that we would be driving and tell them we were pregnant. I also mentioned to several people in New Orleans that I was pregnant.

And every single time, I felt like I was pretending, or faking it, or that it wasn't really true. That it couldn't possibly be true.

About a week ago, I made a decision to give myself permission to feel joy and excitement about this pregnancy. Superstition and fear be damned. Because I know that it is absolutely true that I am doing everything I can to help this baby grow, and that allowing myself to hope is not going to lower my chances of success. It will hurt just the same if it goes wrong whether I was hopeful or not.

So I have been dreaming, and smiling, and praying for this little one to stay with me, and be strong, and healthy, and beautiful.

I will let you know what happens tomorrow.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Ultrasound results

Had our ultrasound today when I am six weeks along. I spent the whole morning totally sick to my stomach with nerves, not to mention fighting the urge to throw up because I had to drink a lot of water and it was not sitting well.

After all that chugging, the tech took one look at my belly with the machine, said, "You have a retro verged uterus," and brought out the wand.

We saw the little sac with a yolk sac in it, but not a heartbeat or a fetal pole. I was afraid this was exactly what would happen. The tech was saying it could still develop when Mr. M. pointed out that I had ovulated pretty late in my cycle (CD 20 or so) and the tech said that made sense because I was measuring at about five weeks instead of six.


We left with no real answers and later this afternoon the nurse called. She said the doctor was fairly happy with what she saw today, and that since I was earlier than they thought the beta numbers and what we saw on the ultrasound made a little more sense. That was very reassuring - finally some positive news!

So now we wait again until our next ultrasound on November 14, when I will be 8 weeks. I will just continue to hope and pray that the baby continues to grow and develop and be strong and healthy.

We were actually scheduled to fly to New Orleans on Saturday for our anniversary but I have been forbidden to fly. So, we are going to drive instead. It's only about 10 1/2 hours from where we live so it is manageable. I'm hoping it will be just a relaxing, romantic trip full of good food and shopping and all that kind of stuff. It will also help to pass some of the time before the next ultrasound.

So back to the waiting game we go.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Third beta means more questions

Got my third beta results today.

Rose from 842 to 1,591.

So not quite a doubling.

The nurse seems still worried about it, and made me so much more terrified by wondering out loud if it might be an ectopic pregnancy.


Ultrasound to check for a fetal pole is scheduled for Thursday morning at 10:45. Mr. M. will be going with me.

I will be six weeks that day if I make it that far.

I just....don't know what to think.

More waiting now. Endless, fearful waiting.

Well, wish me luck. I guess.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Second beta not good

Second beta is in.

Went from 505 to 842, so no doubling.

Nurse said it's not looking promising.

Going for another blood draw tomorrow.

If it gets up over 1,000 they will do an ultrasound towards the end of next week.

Sigh. Sick to my stomach.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

First beta is in

Finally got the call from my beta (hcg) draw yesterday.

Beta number was fine at 505.

Progesterone number was NOT fine at 15 (they want it around 30).

Going for my second blood draw today after E wakes up from his nap.

And starting the Goddamned progesterone suppositories again immediately, until 11-12 weeks.

Last pregnancy, I did them because an early ultrasound (6 weeks or so?) showed a ruptured luteal sac. So apparently, I have progesterone problems.

Very, very anxious, nervous and scared.

Should have second beta numbers tomorrow afternoon. I'll let you know.

Monday, October 21, 2013


I don't know how I knew. I just...did.

I wasn't even terribly confident that I had my ovulation window nailed down this month since I was using the cheapy "if test line is as dark as or darker than" type sticks. We used Pre Seed. We baby danced three times. And I promptly got so busy that I forgot to really even stress.

Over the weekend, I found myself incredibly exhausted for no good reason. My boobs were tender, but that comes and goes because of some scar tissue I have in that area anyway.

I was out of pregnancy tests.

Today, I woke up and just had a funny positive feeling. E and I went to Gym.boree, then to the grocery store, where I bought some pregnancy tests. We got home and I was scrambling around trying to get him lunch and put away groceries and I had this funny nervous butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach. Right before naptime, I took E into the bathroom with me and POAS. We played on the bed for a few minutes while I waited. Then I walked in, glanced at the stick, and read the word "Pregnant."

My hands didn't go numb from shock this time like they did the first time, but my heart did start beating incredibly fast. That butterfly feeling intensified and is still there. I'm a little cold and shivery.

And very surprised.

Waiting on a call back from my OB's office right now. Last time I was considered high-risk, and considering how that pregnancy went I probably will be again. I hope she will want to check my betas so I can confirm it's progressing as it should.

I know it's very early and a lot of things can go wrong, so I am trying to be cautious in my excitement and keep myself level-headed. The one thing I am feeling right now, though, is incredibly, and beautifully, blessed.

Friday, September 20, 2013


This was meant to be a longer post, but I'm running out the door for a weekend trip so don't have a ton of time.

AF arrived yesterday on what would have been CD 24, and to be honest I was very relieved. Not relieved to be not pregnant, because of course that made me sad, but relieved that at least something happened. That almost three-week wait was kind of torturous. Since I ovulated early, I expected AF to be early and she was, by a few days.

Also, I was relieved she showed up at all. Having the high FSH makes me nervous for DOR/POF. I am also glad to report she came in guns blazing with cramps and a normal-ish flow. Happy, you say? Since I went on a new BC pill about a year ago, my periods have been super light, erratic and off-color, so I am glad to be just normally miserable! Weird, but true.

I "celebrated" her arrival with wine, pizza and a (still not as hot as I would like it to be) bath. The funny thing about eating so healthy for so long is that all the stuff I craved when I first started out doesn't even sound that good anymore. Funny, and kind of awesome.

I'm doing a few things differently this cycle:

I'm taking wheat grass pills (can't stomach the liquid or the powder) because one of my books said some women have reported a decrease in FSH when taking it. It's super good for you and is supposed to help energy levels, so why the heck not?

I bought some Pre-Seed (ahh, the romance of it all).

I also bought the 'Restoring Fertility' yoga series, which has a different yoga routine for each of the four phases of your cycle. I've only tried the luteal phase one, but it was nice and relaxing. I won't be able to do any while I'm away but will start with the menstrual phase on Sunday when I get home.

AF kind of arrived at the perfect time, since I will be away on a mini vacation with my mom this weekend. I can drink some wine and coffee and not have to abstain and arouse suspicions (no one outside of a few very close friends even knows we're trying again).

Also, E learned how to climb out of his crib yesterday, so we switched to toddler bed last night and I spent an HOUR in there getting him to sleep. He slept through until 7:30 a.m., but I do NOT begrudge my sweet Mr. M. for the weekend he has ahead of him! Naptime should be especially interesting.

Well, I'm off to pack. Sending you all love and hope for wherever you are in your journey right now. Thanks for stopping by.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

CD 15 - Yes, BUT

This waiting thing sucks big time, you know? Patience has never ever been my strong suit but this is testing every last ounce of it that I've got.

The thing about it, as I'm sure many of you know, is that it takes over your life almost completely. It's always hovering in the back of your head to be thought about whenever you have a spare moment. It creeps up on you unexpectedly. It weighs down your shoulders until your neck is stiff. You might find yourself watching a commercial for pregnancy tests, placing your hands over your uterus and whispering, "Please, please, please" to Whoever might be listening out (or up) there.

The first time we were TTC amid all the drama of the high FSH diagnosis, I had a full-time job that required an hour commute each way. It was an awesome, fun job full of amazing people and I loved it. The thing is, I was busy. Yes, I browsed blogs and researched every chance I got, but I had plenty of things to distract me.

Now, not so much. Oh sure, I'm busy in the stay-at-home mom kind of way: the never-ending cycle of making meals and doing dishes and washing clothes and reading books and playing ball and giving hugs and kisses and tickles. But all of those things leave my mind relatively unoccupied, and THAT is the hard part. I have some editing work right now since the magazine I work for is on deadline, so at least that can occupy me a bit.

I'm going to POAS tomorrow morning. I will be about 10 dpo and I can't stand it any longer. If I get a negative, I'm waiting until Saturday to try again.

Symptoms? Yes...BUT:

I'm cramping, BUT I've had cramping since I ovulated so it doesn't seem significant. Of course, today the cramps are gone so now I'm all worried about it in that crazy TTC logic way.

My boobs are tender, BUT I have a lot of scar tissue and some non-cancerous nodes that flare up and hurt sometimes so it could just be that.

Peeing a lot, BUT I am trying to drink a lot of water so I stay hydrated.

Really tired, BUT I've had a cold this week (and can't take any good medicine because I'm TTC) so that explains that.

I'm not, I don't think, overly optimistic about getting pregnant this cycle. If I get a BFN, I think I will be upset, eat carbs and drink wine for a couple of days, and then start all over again. I am honestly doing every single thing I can to give my body an edge right now (more on that later) so at least I'll know I did my best (you should have seen me at the store trying to pick out an herbal tea for my cold while the Interweb was screaming that EVERYTHING causes miscarriage [okay perhaps a bit of an exaggeration but you get what I mean]).

Still, and you know what I mean, there's still that tiny voice inside my head that whispers, It could happen.

I'm letting it whisper and trying to smile about it. Because hope, my friends, is never a bad thing.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

CD 10 - Welcome to crampytown.

Ugh. Cramps.

I guess they are a good symptom where the whole ovulation thing is concerned, and they are by far not debilitating...just annoying. They feel kind of like pre-period cramps.

The good news is that this whole TTC #2 thing has done wonders for my healthy eating! Since I am in the two week wait I am determined to keep my rises and falls in my blood sugar nice and regular with no big spikes and crashes. So I am avoiding potatoes, sugar, processed carbs, etc. I've passed up cookies, fries, apple cobbler and lots of other things that I usually love. And honestly? It hasn't been hard at ALL. Every time I go to eat I just think about what I want to put in my body to keep it nourished and healthy and full on energy.

Side effect? I feel AWESOME. I'm full of energy and good vibes, which can't hurt, right?

Happy hump day to ya'll. Thanks for reading.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

CD 6 - A Smiley Face!

I was very happy to get a smiley face on my ovulation predictor kit tonight (just a few minutes ago in fact). I had done one this morning but since AF started a bit earlier than usual this cycle, and since my boobs were a bit tender, I tested again.

I feel ready. Yesterday was a friend's 30th birthday and I drank wine and had tons of amazing food and beer, knowing that it would kind of be my last hurrah, especially for drinking. Today I've been eating really well and I've been taking my prenatal vitamins regularly for a few weeks, so hopefully I have given myself as much as an edge as possible.

Honestly, I am just happy that I ovulated at all. With my high FSH I worry about things like that, so it's reassuring to see the smiley face.

Side note: My doctor offered to test my FSH again when I mentioned trying again, but I declined. I know that if the number has gotten higher, it will just add to my stress and that certainly won't help with TTC. If we try for a few months without success, I will have her check it again before we see the RE.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013


Well, AF arrived yesterday, a bit early but not too bad. It caught me a bit by surprise and I was a bit unnerved by how nervous it made me feel. I was also out of the healthy, no-carb groceries I will need so that meant a morning running errands with a fractious E, who is now 20 months old and NOT a very patient toddler.

Picked up a trusty Ovulation Predictor Kit (OPK) which I will start at about day 5 of my cycle just to be safe. I'm excited for this new adventure.

Working on a couple of posts about my life as a stay-at-home mom, what I've learned and how I've adjusted. Hopefully will post those later this week.

Riveting post, I know. Thanks for reading anyway. Smiles your way.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Last time I was here...

The last time I was here, I was all like, "Okay, time to try for another baby!" And I was all, "Time to lose some weight!" And then, "Yay, I'm losing weight!"

I was ready. I had a plan. I had a SCHEDULE.

And then, you guessed it, life got in the way.

It started with a vacation, and not a relaxing, beach-y, pina-colada-y type vacation. Oh, no. My HUSBAND planned this one, which meant it was more of a cross country drive-y, sleeping in a tent-y, cooking on a campstove-y and hiking 10 miles a day-y type trip. It Ish. I enjoy scenery, and rock climbing, and hiking, and stuff. But when after five hours of hiking on slick rock I find myself baking in a breezeless valley with the sun beating down on me as I trudge through ankle-deep sand...I start composing very, very profane songs in my head about my husband and the fact that we aren't on the beach instead.

But I digress.

AF arrived at just the wrong time - right before our trip. And I didn't really feel like trying to pee on an OPK out in the middle of the Utah desert. So we delayed a month.

Then a birthday trip for a friend came up, and we have a very drink-y group, and I wanted to imbibe, so...another delay.

Then ANOTHER birthday trip for ANOTHER friend...same story.

Then it was almost my birthday, and I wanted to be able to celebrate (I swear I don't ACTUALLY drink that much) what's one more month?

After that, I put my foot down. No more delays, or excuses. There was always going to be one more fun event that I wanted to delay for. 

And then I got mono. 

Which turned out, weeks later, to not be mono?

It is a looong story and even I am still super confused.

Anyway. I am finally feeling better. Mr. M. and I are on the same page about trying again, the page that reads, "Well, it will not be super fun to have a newborn and a 2-year-old but we know we need to try early if we want another kid so HERE WE GO."

In summary: last "active" BCP will be taken tonight. (Remember this post from the last go-round?) Once I hit CD1, I will switch to no carbs again for two weeks, and then healthy carbs during the TWW. I am taking my raw prenatal vitamins again, three times a day - I read that doing that helps keep a more steady level of nutrients in your system, which makes sense to me.

I have re-visited many of my friendly neighborhood infertility books to remind me of the whys and hows of my high FSH.

I consulted with Dr. A., my awesome OBGYN, and she told me to "try away," since I had already proven her wrong once. She was very supportive of trying again ASAP.

She also advised me to call her if I am not pregnant after three months or at the very most six months, so she can get me over to the RE. 

I'm not sure what I am feeling right now, except excited and hopeful. The last time we started this journey, I was sure I was looking at months of fertility treatments and disappointment, so to get pregnant naturally was a big surprise. This time around I know that I can get pregnant naturally (or at least, could), so I find myself a bit more hopeful. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I have never had to deal with a negative cycle before so I am unsure about how I will deal with it. 

But I'm back. I'll be blogging about trying again. I hope to re-establish some of the connections that were so meaningful to me for such a very long time. 

Here goes nothin'...

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Weigh In: Week Two

Weight in January 2011: 196
Weight in March 2011 after two weeks of SBD: 182
Weight before E's delivery in December 2011: 221

Weigh in on January 7, 2012: 184
Current weight: 175
Pounds lost so far: 9
Pounds lost since last weigh in: 4

Well, I survived my second week of no carbs! I actually found the second week to be a lot easier in terms of resisting temptation, but a lot harder in terms of boredom! I was SO tired of protein and veggies!

I have to say, though, the no carb thing did wonders for me. I lost nine pounds in two weeks! My skin cleared up, I had tons of energy and I, a chronic insomniac, slept like a baby. By energy, I mean I felt good and not tired throughout the day. However, exercise was NOT going to happen. We took E for a walk in the neighborhood and I was so out of breath it was ridiculous!

Yesterday I began slowly adding carbs back in. I was reeeeeediculously excited for my All Bran with fresh strawberries for breakfast and for my apple as an afternoon snack. I'm following one of Bob Harper's "Skinny Rules" and not eating any carbs (not including fruit) after lunchtime. This morning I had a piece of whole grain sugar free toast (check your bread, peeps - HFCS is one of the first few ingredients!) and it was yummy.

I also started exercising again yesterday. I went to Body Sculpt at the Y and made it through without a problem, although I am pretty sore today! Today I went to my other gym (closer to E's MDO and only $25 a month but much smaller) and hopped on a treadmill for an interval run/walk.

The treadmill had a TV screen, which I wasn't using, so it worked more as kind of a mirror. I caught a glance of my face occasionally and was impressed by how steady and determined I looked.

This is for keeps, ya'll. Anything I can do to help my chances of having another baby, I'm going to do. And I'm going to kick ass while doing it.

All right, off to clean my house while E is still at MDO! Have a great Tuesday!

Monday, January 14, 2013

South Beach Diet: Week One

Weight in January 2011: 196
Weight in March 2011 after two weeks of SBD: 182
Weight before E's delivery in December 2011: 221

Weigh in on January 7, 2012: 184
Current weight: 179
Pounds lost so far: 5

If you've read any of my tabs or archives or have been following for a while (bless you), you will know that I'm a big fan of the South Beach Diet. The reasons are very simple:

-When I had my awful appointment with my OB and she told me about my grim diagnosis for ever having kids naturally and sent me right to the RE, she told me that the South Beach Diet was the best diet for fertility.

-While I was trying the SBD for the first time and doing the strict no carb phase, I got pregnant.

-I have researched and agree with most (explained below) of the science behind the program.

I've never really done SBD for an extended period of time because as I said, I got pregnant and needed to have a more varied diet for my health and the baby's. It comes in three phases:

Phase One: This is kind of a "detox" phase to rid your body of any insulin resistance that might have built up due to over consumption of carbs and sugar. During this two week phase, you have essentially NO carb-y foods: no bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, sugar, grains of any kind, potatoes or even carrots, which have a high glycemic index. Also no fruit or alcohol.

Phase Two: This compromises the majority of the weight loss period. You are able to add back in fruit and good "slow" carbs made from whole grains, but in reduced quantities. You can also have wine,

Phase Three: Maintenance phase, which is fairly self-explanatory.

The science behind is fairly simple. When you eat something with carbs, your body processes the sugar or carbs into blood sugar. Your pancreas then secretes insulin to "unlock" your cells so they can absorb the sugar. When you eat something with a lot of sugar or carbs, your blood sugar spikes rapidly and your pancreas goes into overtime secreting a bunch of insulin. This causes your blood sugar to drop rapidly, which alarms the body into sending out hunger signals and causing you to crave more high carb food. The SBD foods are more about creating a gentle rise and fall of blood sugar instead of sudden spikes and drops.

(Another book I'm reading, The Fertility Diet, also talks about healthy carbs and blood sugar in relation to fertility, but more on that later).

I know that the less I weigh, the better chance I have of getting pregnant, so I've decided to really try to lose some more weight before I meet with my OB on March 7, so a friend and I jumped back on the SBD program. It's really cheap - just buy the paperback at a book store and you're set!

Phase One, to be honest, totally sucks balls. The first day you feel kind of off and funny, and hungry. Meals are all about protein, vegetables and low fat dairy. You have to stop yourself a million times from just reaching for whatever is handy to snack on and make yourself grab a string cheese or some almonds or something.

Day two you feel like absolute CRAP. Not only are you starving and grumpy, but you might wind up with a bad headache or a kind of fuzzy, floaty feeling.

Day three you almost decide to say screw it and quit. You're watching your husband scarf down a piece of beautiful French bread and you seriously consider ripping it from his unsuspecting hands and scarfing it down. The headache is still there and though the floaty feeling is somewhat diminished, you are just plain sick and tired. You drink a glass of one percent milk before bed and wonder how you will make it through the next 11 days.

Day four...oh. You wake up feeling...hungry? You eat your turkey bacon and eggs and are halfway through the morning before you realize you don't feel like crap anymore! In fact, you feel clear-headed and kind of energized.

So, in summary, if you can make it through the first four days, you will feel a lot better! I'm on day seven, and I haven't had a headache or any kind of tummy upset (when I eat junk those are fairly common). I have lots of energy.

And yes, it is hard to go no carb in a world full of carbivores (made that one up). Tonight said husband was eating said bread with the delicious soup I made while I had a spinach salad. Yesterday we helped a friend move and they brought in McD's for breakfast (I had turkey bacon and eggs at home before), pizza for lunch (I had a salad) and a big container of homemade chocolate chip cookies sitting out all day.

But you know what? It's not that hard to resist. I am doing what I'm doing for a reason, and that reason is very important to me.

What have you done to improve your chances of conceiving? Have you doctors recommended anything for you to do or not do? I'm curious.

Thanks for stopping by today!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Resolution 1: Get Pregnant

Last week I wrote out a list of goals and resolutions for 2013 - 13 of them, in fact. Many were your standardized New Year goals: get fit, eat healthy, be a good person, etc. Because I'm a nerd and love lists, I numbered them according to their importance.

Number one was to try to get pregnant again.

After some discussion with Mr. M, we decided that if we start trying after March and somehow miraculously get pregnant immediately (again), then E will be at least two by the time the next baby is born. We both agree that if the choice is "have another kid now or possibly never," now is worth a shot.

Now I as well as anyone else know that it is RARELY as simple as just "get pregnant." The truth is that with my high FSH we really have no idea what's going to happen. So all of my health goals are tied into doing what I can to maximize my chances - losing weight, following a super healthy diet, exercising and taking supplements. I'm
also going to really try to get my house organized by March because it is in total shambles (behind closet and garage doors, at least) and it really stresses me out.

My yearly check up with my OB, Dr. A, is scheduled for March 7 and I plan on discussing our plans with her then. I don't know if she'll want to check my FSH again, but I would almost rather not know, if that makes sense. She may tell us to go straight to an RE again (we got pregnant while waiting for our appointment two years ago). She may encourage us to try naturally. I have no idea what's ahead of us, but I trust her and her staff implicitly and following her directions has only ever brought good things our way.

I know I've been a terrible excuse for a blogger lately, and to those of you who still stop by to check me out occasionally - thanks you. I will be back in a big way, starting now.