Okay, folks, let's get real. I have some confessions to make.
Confession #1: Until this past Sunday, I was still wearing only maternity pants with the stretchy panels. Yes, at 11 weeks post partum I was still in them.
Confession #2: The reason I was still in them was that none of my pre-pregnancy pants fit anymore. I have this jiggly spare tire around my middle that didn't used to be there, and also gained some in my thighs.
Confession #3: This past Sunday, I had to do the Terrible Awful thing that anyone who was ever struggled with their weight has always dreaded doing: I had to shop in the plus-sized section. It was awful. I never thought I would wind up there despite being overweight my entire life.
My old size 16 pants don't fit anymore - they're too small. Frustratingly, neither do the size 18W - they are way too big. I finally figured out I'm like a 16W, the smallest size in the section which of course means they don't have many left.
After an agonizing hour, I left with two pairs of slacks and a pair of jeans. I had to make myself go shopping as I start work in less than a week (more on that later) and needed actual clothes to wear. I can't imagine how embarrassed I would be if I had to do something active at work (which often I do) and my maternity panel showed.
Well, that experience did it. I had already signed back up with my personal trainer, C, who I have used off and on for a few years. I'm seeing him Saturday mornings and Tuesday evenings. Tonight was my third workout and it honestly felt so GOOD to be sweating after months and months of inactivity. Once I go back to work next week I'll have access to our employee gym again, which will be great as I love to work out on my lunch break.
I also went back on Phase One of the S.outh B.each diet. If you've been reading for a while, you'll remember I was doing that when I miraculously got pregnant. Phase one is the hardest two weeks ever - NO grains or fruit or starchy things or sweets or alcohol for the entire period. I eat a lot of eggs, grilled chicken and spinach, cheese (low fat) and raw veggies. It helps that I have a formal function coming up on March 10 and a dress that I am struggling to fit into.
Here's what I had today, if you're curious:
Breakfast: One egg, scrambled in olive oil, and two slices turkey bacon with a small glass of 1% milk.
Lunch: Turkey taco meat, kidney beans, low fat cheese, low fat sour cream and salsa (like a taco salad without the shell) and sliced cucumbers.
Snack: Low fat string cheese and 15 almonds
Dinner: Grilled chicken and spinach with low fat feta cheese, and celery sticks with one wedge light L.aughing C.ow cheese.
So, it's doable. If I wasn't allowed dairy products I probably couldn't handle it. Tonight I made PIZZA for Mr. M. before I left for the gym, and then had my salad when I got home aferwards.
Please understand that I honestly don't judge people who are plus-sized. If you are healthy and love your body, that's an amazing thing and I'm jealous of you. But shopping in that section was like crossing some big, serious line for me personally. I knew that I was too heavy and not eating right, but that just opened my eyes very abruptly and it scared me. Especially since I know one of the best things I can do to increase my odds of ever having another child is be healthy and fit.
Maybe if the scale shows some progress and the dress fits, I can find my sexy again.