Monday, August 8, 2011

Maybe It's Make Believe

Hello all. Still here. Still (I think) pregnant. Slowly losing my mind from waiting.

I find myself at an odd time in the pregnancy. For so long it was just striving and pushing and praying to make it to the second trimester. Then I got here and...nothing happened. No bells sounded, no celebration ensued, no magical sense of "Well, NOW everything will be JUST fine" arrived. My cramping, while still present, has finally started to ease off. My terrible fatigue has faded, except for days when I am running around a lot at work.

So the thing is...I don't really feel pregnant. I don't really feel different, to tell you the truth. I just feel like me, the same old me, with a slightly larger belly. While it is larger, it hasn't really "popped" in that oh-so-recognizable way. It's just...bigger. The pregnancy doesn't really feel REAL to me at all right now. It's a very surreal place to be, and a very scary one as the wait time between ultrasounds and appointments stretches on.

I have had some little thumps and flutters that I think might be movement, but it's hard to tell. I think that when I can feel the baby move regularly I will be reassured, but then I will just have something ELSE to freak out about if he/she moves more or less often than previously. Geez!

The BIG NEWS is that the BIG ONE is coming up this Wednesday. By that I mean the anatomy scan. In the past when I've heard people ask expectant moms, "Do you want a boy or a girl?" and they have replied, "It doesn't matter as long as it's healthy," I've allowed myself a snigger and a "yeah, right." But OMIGOD it's SO true! Finding out the sex is SO much less important than showing me that the baby is healthy; all limbs and organs accounted for and functioning. THEN tell us boy or girl and we will celebrate either way! I'll confide that I have had a "feeling" all along that it's going to be a boy, and many of my friends/relatives have agreed. If it's a girl I will be SO surprised and VERY excited to go clothes shopping! :)

Today at work I have done nothing but browse, Babies R Us and infertility/pregnancy blogs. I cannot concentrate on a single thing other than willing the minutes to go by faster. It has been seven weeks since our last ultrasound and while we have heard the heartbeat since then, we haven't seen the baby. I am distracting myself tonight with a pedicure and eyebrow wax (MUCH-needed as they are taking over my face). Tomorrow night, when I will be going REALLY nuts, my friend L is taking me to a movie. The scan is at 8:40 a.m. on Wednesday mornings. Mr. M. is going with me, of course. We are both very excited and very nervous!

Sorry for such a long time between posts. Once we get Wednesday out of the way I will hopefully feel a little better and more inspired to write.

And now back to watching the damn clock...

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