I'm flailing. I'm terrified. I'm struggling to hold onto my hope.
Doctor's office called. Ultrasound showed a ruptured luteal sac. Not quite sure what that is but apparently it helps with progesterone. So they sent me for some blood work (as in immediately) and on my way home I'm picking up a prescription for progesterone pills to take every night. I'm a bit scared of the side effects.
Also, the nurse felt it was helpful to mention that the baby's heartbeat was a bit low at 6w2d and 112 bpm. How nice of you to remind me.
I asked, "So are we super worried about anything right now?" and she said no. So I guess that's something.
The office closes at 12 tomorrow so I have to call the nurse at 11 to see if they have my lab work back.
I've also been referred to a maternal fetal medicine doctor (basically a high risk pregnancy doctor) and an oncologist (to check me over and see what we need to watch for).
Oh and I'm RH negative (blood type O-) and Mr. M. is A+ so I had to have a shot since I had bleeding. Even though it was super light and the nurse told me I only had to call if it was heavy and/or bright red. Apparently I'm the exception. Basically since my blood is negative, if any of the baby's blood gets into my body my immune system will start attacking it. So I have a card I have to keep in my wallet in case I'm in an accident or something so they know to give me another shot. And I have to call ANY time there's bleeding.
Oh, and Mr. M's great uncle died on Tuesday night and we have a funeral to go to tomorrow out of town. Fun times.
Oh, and my boss is being a TOTAL. BITCH. She knows what is going on with me and yet had the nerve to be totally nasty about taking the day off tomorrow for the funeral, even after I volunteered to come in and work until 10:30. Excuse me, bitch, but this is MY personal time which I am taking. And I may be taking off a lot right now, but let me assure you that NONE of it is fun time off. It's not like I'm skipping happily into the sunset tomorrow - I'm going to a fucking FUNERAL. Of a great, kind man who deserves to be honored. Why do you care, anyway? As I said, I have PLENTY of time off banked right now and I have a RIGHT to use it whenever I want, unless you have a VALID reason. Oh, I need to help with the phones? Well, you have a full-time AND a part-time receptionist working tomorrow, and oh also it's NOT MY FUCKING JOB.
Oh, you're off tomorrow, too? So you don't want me to have off simply because you are and you want to feel special? Maybe that's it.
She was also nasty about me leaving for what I described as "semi-emergency bloodwork" and didn't even ask if everything was all right.
Listen lady. If you think for a SECOND that my health, the health of my baby, and the prevention of miscarriage should take a backseat to you being inconvenienced or annoyed, you've got another damn thing coming. You have NO idea what I'm going through or what it's like to be me right now. You have NO idea what it's like to live in a constant fear that you are going to do something wrong or that your body is going to try to betray you.
Don't mess with this high risk pregnancy girl. I promise you, I will win. And I will take this to HR if it continues.
Sorry this blog was very rant-y and screech-y and shout-y. If you managed to make it all the way through, bless you.