So I did it. Sort of. I think. :)
I finally say my bosses down yesterday and told them what I have been thinking. It went a little something like this:
Here's my problem. I love my job, and I love working with you both, but I also love my son. I miss him all day every day. I'm exhausted, and grumpy, and have no time to spend with him. And Mr. M. and I have decided that at least one of us should spend some time with him, and because of his career it can't be him.
If it were any other job, this would have been such an easy decision. I love working here so much and so appreciate the opportunity you gave me.
I don't know if working part-time is an option, but if it is I would love to stay on here. I feel confident that I can still contribute to the department, get my work done on time and save the department some money.
They were SO nice about it. My bosses are both women and they were warm and understanding and very appreciative that I said I would stay at least until the end of April to help with the very busy event season. They looked interested in the possibility of me working part time, but aren't sure the company will let me do that. Everyone they need to consult about it is out at a conference this week, so it will be next week before I know anything for sure.
I felt really good about it afterwards and it hasn't felt awkward or anything between the three of us. I am content to just do my work, enjoy my surroundings and let what will happen, happen.
I'm not sure if I will accept if they offer part time. I'll have to see what days/hours they are thinking about and go from there. If it is going to keep me still stressed and tired, then no way.
A rough couple of nights in our house this week. Monday night E broke out of his swaddle at 2:30 a.m. because SOMEONE (coughcoughMrMcough) didn't do it right. He gets very upset when he breaks out of his swaddle. But of course I was the one who got up, changed him, fed him and put him back down. Next time I've decided I'm just going to put the wailing baby monitor RIGHT next to Mr. M's head as he slumbers peacefully away.
Last night I met with my personal trainer at 7, and when I exercise in the evenings I never sleep well - too much adrenaline I guess. So I was restless all night and THEN E's Angelcare movement monitor went off TWICE - once at 2:30 and once at 4:30. He was fine, just wiggled way over to the side. I had to scoot him back over both times but luckily he settled back down fairly quickly.
Between daycare and leaving E with Mr. M. last night so I could hit the gym, I spent a grand total of about ten minutes with E yesterday. It SUCKED. I miss him and crave my time with him, to play with him and cover his soft cheeks with sweet kisses. This is how I know I am doing the right thing by no longer working full time. I WILL spend more time with my son then I do at work. And it will be wonderful.